"CHOICES" Portrait of Eva Lynn Horton

This is a portrait of my sister, Eva. She was born perfect. She was healthy and had no birth defects. She was pretty and she was intelligent. Yet, she lived a short tragic life. I will never completely understand why some of us set out on a road to self-destruction. We are given choices in life. We can live a healthy life and strive to be the best we can, or we can abuse our bodies with drugs and alcohol. If we chose the later, our bodies will break down. Our physical health will be destroyed. We will live a painful, short, useless life. Eva had many choices in life. She came from a financially secure family. She had opportunities many people don't have. Why, Eva? Why did you choose to live this way? Did you want to have a tragic life? Where is the joy and happiness in that? I thought by doing this portrait, maybe I could gain a better understanding of her. I had many long conversations with her in my mind. I felt regret that I was not a positive influence for her, but I had my own cross to bear. I was a sensitive, emotional, suicidal mess trying to find a way to survive. When I completed this painting, instead of gaining a better understanding of Eva, I gained a better knowledge of myself. I don't know where this self-destructive force comes from. Why do some of us have it and other don't? In the background for this painting, I worked in several images of Eva. Life to her was a big stage. She was always performing, wanting to be the center of attention. I don't know if I ever got to learn who the real Eva was. I always thought Eva and I were similar. At one time, I felt a strong connection to her. I could see myself in her eyes. It was that crazy-Granny-Mae look some of us inherited. I now realize we were alike. The major difference is I chose to fight my demons. I start every morning with meditation and mind control. I use positive thoughts and images to set the tone for my day. When I have finished my meditation, I open my eyes and look at the Vincent Van Gogh self-portrait on the wall, and say "Good morning, Vincent. I am going to make the best of this day." Then, I go to my studio and work. I have created my own happiness without the use of drugs. This is my choice. This is the battle I fight every day. We can be can be survivors or we can be destroyers. These are our choices. Which do you choose?